A number of my Bible Journaling pages are prayers or insights or song lyrics or sermons….but once in a while, they’re an all-out commitment.

I might be out on a limb alone here, but when God tells me to do something, I’m not always as quick to obey as I’d like. He says “give,” I say “once my bank account stabilizes.” He says “serve,” I say “as soon as this {x} is done and I have time.” He says “let go,” and….I squeeze tighter.

I remember reading a devotional years ago, I don’t remember where, and the prayer at the end of it was, “Lord make me willing to be willing.” For me, occasionally, it’s “Make me willing to be willing to be willing!” I resonated with the idea that sometimes we need to pray not only to be obedient, but for the desire to want to obey.

Being honest with the Lord is humbling, but He wants our honesty; acknowledging our true motives is the first step to healing. My spirit knows the truth and what I should be doing…but everything in my flesh screams “No!” Other believers tell me I should just put my flesh aside – and sometimes…well, sometimes I fail miserably at that. And I find myself again in the place to ask God for the willingness to be willing to obey Him.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.”

Ezekiel 36:26-27

This journaling page was created as God has answered that very prayer in an area I’ve struggled with. An area where I didn’t expect to ever have victory. I didn’t think I’d ever even want to hand it over. But I suddenly discovered…. that I already had. I was past the digging-in-my-heels stage. God had worked behind the scenes to nudge me that next step. And now, I’m willing to trade in my old cold heart. And trade UP for a new, softer model.