I’ve fallen behind.
I’ve been in quite the season for a few months now. And while I am tempted to beat myself up – I’m leaning into my relationship with Jesus to live in the midst of grace. Completely unwarranted, undeserved, unmerited grace.
I’m a type-A person who is usually, at least on the surface, organized and on top of details – prepared and proactive. I’m one of those people who folks look at and think “She’s got it all together!” even when that’s just the illusion. When that facade falls away…my pride takes a big hit.
Maybe it’s just me with this issue – but I’d guess there are a few of us “Marthas” out there who are challenged by our own inability to keep it all together. That expectation, from wherever it comes, is unsustainable. We pressure ourselves to keep up with the Joneses, or ahead of them – and are disappointed in ourselves when we find we cannot. But that’s where grace picks up the pieces.
I’m living amid a pile of broken pieces right now. Much going on that is out of my control, and that which is within my purview has lost its urgency for the moment. Staring at clouds seems more important right now, useless as it feels. But Jesus is in the middle of it with me, providing me with the space to…to just be. To exist. To be loved by Him and to know that that is enough. That I am enough, even without all of my ‘doing’ to earn my keep. Everything else will right itself in time, but this is a season to take a seat at Christ’s feet, and just to be with Him.